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The Whiner: Behavior and Its' Impact

by Dore Frances, IEC, MA, founder of Horizon Family Solutions, LLC
How the behavior is typically reinforced:

When you argue with Whiners, or ask them to be more positive, you will get sucked into a power struggle you will not win.

When you highlight their impact by making it more public you only perpetuate the momentum.

How to help:

Do not argue with "Whiners" or attempt to "fix" them with positivity. A front-door approach will not work. Catch them when they are not whining and privately tell them you understand the role whining plays in their life - it keeps them safe from having to trust. Trust is scary and relationships bring disappointment.

Assist them in seeing that whining pushes their heart desires away. Offer them specific ways they can move towards trusting.

I hope you have enjoyed this dscussion.

Every teenager will mystify you in some way - the roots of their behavior are at times buried in darkness.

Give them a taste of good character, give them a safe place to go with their challenges and problems, and let them know you are there with them no matter how long it takes to "work it all out."

Dore Frances, IEC, MA, is an educcational consultant, childs right advocate, parent coach, specializing in working with troubled teens and their families in the United States, Canda, and abroad. See her site at: or contact her by phone at:(541) 312-4422, or email
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Disclaimer: Internet Special Education Resources (ISER) provides this information in an effort to help parents find local special education professionals and resources. ISER does not recommend or endorse any particular special education referral source, special educational methodological bias, type of special education professional, or specific special education professional.


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